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I often peruse Bash.org on my downtime. The website consists entirely
of quotes copied and pasted from the sometimes dull, sometimes hilarious IRC culture. Below are some of my favorite Bash.org
quotes, accompanied by their quote numbers.
#670121
<sigafoo> i realized i loved my girlfriend when i said to her
<sigafoo> <3
<sigafoo> and she said "<3.14159265" back...
#667868
<demonotaku_> hate when you fall asleep and your cat jumps on your keyboard
<Facemaker> Yeah, they always talk about you on irc behind your back
#666666
<Brian> Hahaha... I spent two hours just so I could get an evil quote number on bash.
<DaKemoBoy> The only thing evil about that is the time you wasted. :)
#5273
<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
#99835
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?
#4753
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
#414593
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
#330261
<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind
#9322
<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops
#25464
<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID
#8105
<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.
#85514
<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
#406373
<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section
#328464
SparTacus (rulimbaww@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
*SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns
wacko Jacko (lbeedy@1C57684.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
<wacko_Jacko>ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which one of you is that loser?
<hunney> I am spartacus
<ji_pper>no im spartacus
<Betty_Guns>I am spartacus
<mistr andersn>I'm spartacus
<wacko_Jacko>ur all freaks thats what u r
#83627
<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
#88575
<Stormrider> I should bomb something
<Stormrider> ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
<Stormrider> Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
<Elzie_Ann> I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
<FBI> We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )
#362137
<reo4k> just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc
* luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)
<ibaN`reo4k[ex]> that's gotta hurt
<r`heaven> :(
#462310
< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.
#365072
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Thank you for listening to me.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> You know your a really good listener.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Sweety please say something.
<Sandaedar> Ok I'm back.
#409
<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4
#577451
<DmncAtrny> I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING."
<DmncAtrny> And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer
<DmncAtrny> and run like hell
#348498
<MasterG> .....................................................................
..................................
<judas> where's pacman when you need him?
#329409
<benja> A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
<benja> The survey was a huge failure...
<benja> In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
<benja> In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
<benja> In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
<benja> In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
<benja> In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
<benja> In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
<benja> And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant
#7936
*** Quits: TITANIC (Excess Flood)
#72
<reptile-> The first time hypr opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"
<hypr> wtf are donut seeds
#117002
<YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
<YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
<YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF
#583977
<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die
<DannyB> she was confused
#3936
<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that
#5259
<reuben> somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
<reuben> i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
<cristobal> why don't you put ice on the stairs
<cristobal> and heat up the door knob
<cristobal> and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
<cristobal> then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....
#4916
<Polytope> tetris is so unrealistic
#3630
<blazemore> omg i love this song
<blazemore> Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
<Javi> blazemore: yeah, that's a bad ass song
#665807
omg its zack wtf: my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
#301963
<lib1790> so, at this college there was an extra credit question "Is hell endothermic or exothermic"
<lib1790> this is what one kid wrote:
<lib1790> First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.
If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
<lib1790>As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
<lib1790> Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
<lib1790>So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose (i.e.,Hell is exothermic).
<liv1790>Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e.,Hell is endothermic).
<lib1790>So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by Ms.Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a relationship with her, the second case cannot be true. Therefore, hell is exothermic.
<lib1790> the kid was the only one who got credit
#12318
* @Lan plays with his privates.
<Rintaun> ...
<@Lan> I got these new toy soldiers
<@Lan> They are really neat
#349135
<beser> Today my History class took a feild trip to the Museum of Tolerance. Its a museum showing kids not to be prejudice and all that good stuff.
<beser> Anyways, one exhibit is two doors next to each other. One door has a sign hanging over it saying "Those with prejudice walk through this door" The other door's sign said "Those without prejudice walk through this door". Obviously the door for people without prejudice isn't openable because as the tour guide says "Everyone has prejudice".
<beser> So, I start tugging on the door and say "What the hell is wrong with this damn door, did some damn Jew make this?" and the tour guide kicked me out and i had to sit in the bus for 15 minutes
#406381
<Axe> I
<Axe> do
<Axe> not
<Axe> know
<Axe> where
<Axe> family
<Axe> doctors
<Axe> acquired
<Axe> illegibly
<Axe> perplexing
<Axe> handwriting;
<Axe> nevertheless,
<Axe> extraordinary
<Axe> pharmaceutical
<Axe> intellectuality,
<Axe> counterbalancing
<Axe> indecipherability,
<Axe> transcendentalizes
<Axe> intercommunications'
<Axe> incomprehensibleness.
<JediHobbes> woah
<JediHobbes> *blinks*
#492775
Egger: Heres the history of our medicine.
"I have a sore throat."
2000 BC : "eat this root"
1200 AD : "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1500 AD : "That prayer is superstition, drink this elixir."
1800 AD : "That elixir is snake oil, Take this pill."
1900 AD : "That pill is ineffective, Take this antibiotic."
2000 AD : "That antibiotic is artificial, Here why dont you eat this root."
#199355
<Meph|st0> Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED
<Meph|st0> thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen
#276955
<Locke|Away> I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Valvados.
<Locke|Away> Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for.
<Locke|Away> But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.
<Valvados> ...
<Valvados> o.o
<Valvados> hmm
<Valvados> i dunno what you were supposed to get revenge for, either
<Locke|Away> I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though.
<Valvados> well, whatever i did, i guess i deserved it
<Locke|Away> Let that possibly be a lesson to you.
#277337
<XnD> Personally its not God I dislike, its his fan club I cant stand
#479067
Scud: The other day, in the park, I was wondering why frisbees look bigger and bigger as they get closer to you
Scud: And then it hit me
#473599
Mjordan2nd: If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
Chris: Spider Man
Tim: batman
Sidd: batman
Mjordan2nd: I'd be god
#210766
<Casey8> Diana Ross' husband died
<Tarrier> how
<Casey8> fell while climbing in South Africa or something
<JennAway> that's sad
<Bubbaprog> i guess there is a mountain high enough
#8209
<Kyuss> how big should disk 1 of neverwinter be?
<JtHM> |<----------------------------->|
<JtHM> (not to scale)
#205408
<malaclypse> The general rule on about people on IRC seems to be "Attractive, single, mentally stable: choose two"
#281421
mdiym42: note to self
mdiym42: make sure your cat is not sleeping in the bass drum before you start playing them
#331940
<Zenith> So I was at work today, signing for a package from UPS..
<Zenith> When the FedEx guy walks in with a package of his own.
<Zenith> And at that EXACT moment, a customer changes the channel to TBS and the Mortal Kombat movie is on, right when the fight theme music starts.
<Nigma> Did they break out into a delivery duel to the death?
<Zenith> I was prepared for parcel projectiles and fedex fatalities.
<Zenith> They eyed each other, and I knew something was about to happen...
<Zenith> But then the guy changed the channel to "Trading Spaces" and the fight was over.
#611017
<Everdarkgreen> WE DID THE MASH
<Everdarkgreen> we did the keyboard mash
<Everdarkgreen> THE KEYBOARD MASH
<Everdarkgreen> it was a lihosdptjhskrjngiso;kihy,aehtptuyjgio;t
#638691
<trent> Dude, did I leave my platinum cube at your house?
<44lark> Nope, I was in the basement today and didnt see it
<trent> I dont know where I left it then
<44lark> ya, hope you find it, im gonna go play Super Smash Brothers
<trent> ok
#218178
<BMPthePNG> haha
<BMPthePNG> I put on smashing live and my cat laid down and purred
<BMPthePNG> so I thought 'hmmm' and put on System of a down
<BMPthePNG> she went and attacked the dog
#450693
Impure Mathematics
------ -----------
To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we
present: Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly
virtue, young Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that
notorious villain Curly Pi, and factored (oh horror!!!)
Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was
strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the boundary
of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and her
mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never
enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however,
who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis
that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex
elements. Rows and columns closed in on her from all sides.
Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor.
Quite suddendly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a
single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of
directrix, and went completely divergent. As she tripped over a
square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged
headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once more,
she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean
space.
She was being watched, however. That smooth operator,
Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her
curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face.
He wondered, "Was she still convergent?" He decided to
integrate properly at once.
Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and
saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated.
She could see at once by his degenerate conic and dissipative
that he was bent on no good.
"Arcsinh," she gasped.
"Ho, ho," he said, "What a symmetric little asymptote
you have I can see you angles have lots of secs."
"Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me I haven't
got my brackets on."
"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your
fears are purely imaginary."
"I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but
homologous."
"What order are you?" the brute demanded.
"Seventeen," replied Polly.
Curly leered "I suppose you've never been operated on."
"Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm
absolutely convergent."
"Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place
I know and I'll take you to the limit."
"Never," gasped Polly.
"Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.
His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a
log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities.
He stared at her significant places, and began smoothing out her
points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was
now her only hope. She felt his digits tending to her asymptotic
limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.
There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator.
Curly's radius squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He
integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After
he cofactored, he performed runge - kutta on her. The complex
beast even went all the way around and did a contour
integration. What an indignity - to be multiply connected on
her first integration. Curly went on operating until he
completely satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and
became completely orthogonal.
When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that
she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated
in several places But it was to late to differentiate now. As
the months went by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically.
Finally she went to L'Hopital and generated a small but
pathological function which left surds all over the place and
drove Polly to deviation.
The moral of our sad story is this: "If you want to
keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single
degree of freedom."
#98701
<@Exor[B-AFK]> yeah apparently a teacher in britain was arrested. on him they found a pencil, eraser, ruler, protractor and compass. They said he was part of the Al Gebra network, and that he had weapons of math instruction!
<@Exor[B-AFK]> HA HA.
* Exor[B-AFK] shoots self
#284658
Quit: (+[WG]sPiKie) (Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].)
#573260
<wenko> today in java the prof asked the class for a simple iterator where we can use some math
<wenko> so this one guy pipes up and says "Make it an address book, and It will calcuate the percentage of girls that slept with you"
<wenko> the prof looks up and says "I can't do that", meaning its not appropriate
<wenko> so the guy yells back "why not?"
<wenko> and the first thing that came to mind i said "You get an error when you divide by zero"
#634201
Rabid Manyak: Oh man, my mid-term mark update is awesome
Rabid Manyak: computer science: 61% science: 74% math: 51% philosophy: 97%
Rabid Manyak: Thanks LSD!
#269157
<Tori_ness> Camels may not be able to solve complex mathematical equations
<Tori_ness> But those bastards can still eat your tent
#54343
* Lilmuckers hugs iphopper
* iphopper reciprocates the hug
* Lilmuckers grabs iphoppers lowest common factor and makes it proportianal to 1 over 2
* iphopper primes lil's hug
* Lilmuckers differentiates iphopper gradient
* Lilmuckers takes the second differential to work out the highest and lowest points
* Lilmuckers looks about at the assembled masses confused faces and blushes
* iphopper tries to find lil's limit as it approaches x, and the derivative of that value
<ragnarok2040> okay, who said maths geeks could cyber in here?
#253029
<kasp> I got a shirt that had integral signs all over it,
and read: "Math is an integral part of life." I got another shirt
that has a small symbol of pi on the front, and 1000 digits of pi
(followed by "...") on the back
<glasnost> wow kasp
<brouwer> i've never met you, but i want to beat you up
#57047
<naet> i got my sat scores bak
<naet> 540 verball and 500 math
<naet> so thats liek 900 total
<Go> right
#621572
[sp00n06] i don't get math
[vinyard] you get even?
[sp00n06] ??
#187136
* Eudoxus has joined #math
<Eudoxus> Can anyone help me write 1/(x^2-3x+2) as a power series in x and find its radius of convergence?
<vrover> No
<vrover> But we can give you a lollipop
<vrover> Have a lollipop?
#136465
<CarnivorousPlant> dog + compost /= (dog+compost)
<CarnivorousPlant> (dog+compost) = dog^compost
<CarnivorousPlant> and if any mathematicians object, they are free to come over here and smell this blasted dog
#22398
<largo> the metric system is for people who can't do math in their heads very well :)
#15840
<Lyon> erll, i'm ogg yo trsf snf dlrrp
<Lyon> oops
<Lyon> well, i'm off to read and sleep
<Derian> looks like you need all the dlrrp you can get.
#694821
<Telius> Nobody escapes the Spanish Inquisition!
<codepoet> \S\p\a\n\i\s\h\ \I\q\u\i\s\i\t\i\o\n
#240899
Keladry43: i am very bad at crabble
Stumacha: obviously
Keladry43: uh. yeah. dammit.
#696997
<Goat25> what is the volume of a pizza of radius z and thickness a ?
<Goat25> answer: pi z z a
#709087
<@ZoFreX> goddammit
<@ZoFreX> I forgot the definition of irony
<@ZoFreX> so I went to look it up on Wikipedia
<@ZoFreX> but Wikipedia is down
<@ZoFreX> AND I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THAT'S IRONIC OR NOT
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